Friday, January 05, 2007

My Roomate Dave

This is Dave. Isn't he precious? I don't know if I'd be as trusting as he is of the cleanliness of that couch cusion, but it doesn't look like he minds too much. Dave is an interesting person. He has an uncanny ability to turn the most mundane things into profound theological premises. Take the other night, for example: in no fewer than 2,000 words he described to me his most recent endeavor to relate the Smurfs to the New Testament's use of 2nd Temple Judaic terminology. So, for instance, instead of saying, "It is by grace you have been saved, through faith, not by works so that no one can boast," one could just as easily say, "It is by grace you have been smurfed, through smurf, not by works so that no smurf can smurf." I'm sure you see the connection. If not, don't come to seminary; this is all we do here.

Now, as you can tell from the photo, all this thinking really tuckers the poor guy out. But so strong is his conviction that these questions need to be answered that he is willing to brave even the sanitary dangers of the couch so long as it affords him the mental energy to forge ahead. That's dedication, ladies and gentlemen.

Basing his diet completely on raw vegetables and turkey sandwiches keeps him from wasting time cooking, which means more invaluable insights from the mind-o-dave, and thusly a better world.

Here are some little known facts about Dave:
1. He pronounces "cognac" phonetically.
2. He's secretly vying with Tanner Capps and Andy Coleman to be the beard-successor to Dr. Dan McCartney. He's losing.
3. He doesn't sleep, he waits...oh wait, nevermind, that's Chuck Norris. Which brings me to number four:
4. Chuck Norris is afraid of Dave.
5. His life's passion is to one day become a bicycle cop BUT...
6. ...contrary to popular belief, Dave is not the short shorts guy from Reno 911.
7. His favorite color is whatever the color is of the current book he's reading.
8. "Ontological" is his favorite word, followed closely by "twitterpated"
9. His greatest role model is Justin Timberlake as can be noted from this file photo of Westminster's boyband "Machen's Warrior Children"
10. Dave's favorite drink is: Scotch, scotch, scotch. I love scotch. Down it goes...into my belly. Mmm, mmm, mmm.

So I hope you all have a greater appreciation for our friend Dave, the intricacies of whom approach unfathomability. But still, he's no Sam Boyd. (see


rebecca said...

hmm...yeah...about your couch. i don't really know what to say. are you guys still planning on replacing it? if so, then i must say i enjoyed studying on it while it was still there; i especially enjoyed studying while listing to one side because of its lopsided stuffing. hey, it makes things interesting, to be sure.
and now...i must go decide how to spend this bizarrely non-January weather. i should go outside. i should. i should.

have fun with your roommate dave. it's good to see you enjoying each other so very much :)

Anonymous said...

thanks for your comment.

let's hang out soon?

Mark Traphagen said...

You think those are great pictures of The Dave? I have truly great pictures of The Dave....and I might be willing to share!

Anonymous said...

Dave puts footnotes in his blog entries, which makes him way better than Sam Boyd. This means that in the sphere of "phatitude" that Dave and Mike Van G are tied, although were Mike to grow a mullet, he would easily be the phatest person ever to step foot on WTS. Well, almost the phatest- rumor has it that Machen had a mullet for a while; he was, after all, from the south.

Bam Soyd

snubnosed in alpha said...

I didn't want to have to respond to this post because it seems a little narcissistic to respond to a post written by someone else about yourself. But I feel that there are some things that need to be cleared up.
Firstly, I do not consider myself to be competing with Tanner or Andy for baddest-beard-at-WTS. My concern is not that I should hold the Westminster facial hair title, but that Dan McCartney's beard should be dethroned. His supreme beardiness has gone unchallenged for far too long. While Dr. Green and Prof. Taylor are in the running, neither of them are really taking the sport seriously enough to overturn McCartney's follicular hegemony.
Secondly, I'm no Sam Boyd. Nor do I want to be. Who needs the pressure? I don't want to spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder and having to square off with every punk kid who wants to make a name for himself. No thankyou. I don't envy Sam. It's a hard life being the baddest cat in town....

Michaela said...



Taty said...

as usual, you made me laugh...what are you up to? i have not seen you on campus. are you taking any classes?

Mark Traphagen said...

Breaking news: Dr. Green has dropped out of the McCartney Beard Dethronement project. Film at 11.

Doug Green said...

I just read these comments and am surprised to discover that I was ever part of the "McCartney Beard Dethronement project." If I'd known, I might not have trimmed my beard last week ...

... Nah. Who am I kidding? My days of serious hirsutism are over. In my worldview, the only true beard is a black beard (like Dave's). All others -- sadly, mine included -- are but pale shadows of the eschatological reality and therefore not worthy to be part of a beard-growing competition.

Moroever, if I (re-)joined the "project," I'd end up looking even more like Santa Claus than I already do. No thanks.

Sorry to disappoint ...


Anonymous said...

you should update neighbor!

A Sojourner said...

I'm working on it, D! but on the bright side, my hiatus gave Dr. Green the opportunity to comment...I'm so honored!

Anonymous said...

Not to point out the glaring, but you take pix of your roommate while he's sleeping, find him precious, and make lists of things that make Dave, well, just-so-adorably-Dave.

Aren't you afraid Jonathan will become jealous?