Pet Peeves

There was no real reason why I was inspired to do this blog but I guess it had something to do with the drive between my parents' house and mine: I hate it. So the combination of a lot of time to think and idiot drivers spawned this little list. Enjoy, and feel free to add on! (I dunno who this guy is, but man he looks peeved)

1. Heelys (those roller-shoes) - kids have enough trouble keeping from running into adults/trashcans/lightbulb displays/woodland creatures/etc. in public, what sick freak came up with the brilliant idea to put these podiatrically challenged children on wheels?
2. The one little black pebble that the vacuum refuses to pick up so you have to bend down and pick it up yourself. Kinda defeats the purpose.
3. Traffic lights that aren't on sensors after 11 p.m. I swear the traffic engineers are watching us on cameras laughing their butts off as we sit for 15 minutes in the middle of nowhere staring hopelessly at a red light.
4. LED headlights - these things I'm convinced, put out a number of lumens that rivals the sun itself. I'd rather stare straight into one of those red laser pointer things and have my retinas burned out than be approached by a car with those obnoxious beams.
   
5. Taxes - not so much a pet peeve, I just really hate everything about them.
6. Bad park jobs - I mean seriously, the spaces are clearly marked to guide us. These are the same people that never learned to color inside the lines in kindergarten.
7. People that wait in line for 10 minutes and still don't know what they want when they get to the front.
8. B.O. - With modern advances in the field of perspiration and odor contol, there's absolutely no excuse.
9. People that wear their bluetooth cell phone ear things at inappropriate times, like while eating with other people - Yes, we all know you're very important, so much so that you have to be available AT ALL TIMES. But I'm pretty sure they world will keep on spinning if you disconnect for 3o minutes.
1. Corollary to #8 - People that don't have the fancy bluetooth thing, but still have an earpiece, so they just walk around holding their cell phone in one hand and the tiny microphone in the other. For the cry eye, just put the stupid phone up to your ear and talk like a normal person!
10. Slow-walkers at the mall - this also includes the people who suddenly stop and turn around, invariably causing you to run into them.
11. Blogs about nothing. Doh!
    

Please don't take my inclusion of this clip as any kind of endorsement of Keystone Beer...I'm not sure it's even beer.

Ummm...now what???

Today marks the end of my semester. Having just finished my last final, I'm confronted with the perennial question of grad students everywhere, "What do people actually do with their lives?" When one goes from spending a solid week getting an average of 3 hours of sleep nightly and eagerly awaiting that fateful day when all is finished, you can't help but feel a little let down by the anticlimatic nature of it all. By all reason I should be asleep right now, but that cursed andrenaline has me more wired than Princess Di's telephone.

So I try to think of "normal" things people do when they're not working. Anyone in the real world, I could use some insight here. I could watch TV I guess, or clean, or eat, or blog, or read (mmm, yeah right!), or bother my other roomates while they study for exams still pending (therein lies the double edged sword of finishing exams early: nobody to play with but TONS of people to annoy!). But the bummer of it all is that whatever I do for the next couple days, it'll be all by my lonesome!! [Cue tears of sympathy] Tomorrow will be the true test: I have no classes, no studying, no work, the first time in MONTHS I have absolutely NOTHING to do! The world's mine oyster (prize to anyone who can give me the origin of that quote without googling it). So I need some plans, ANY IDEAS????

What the People Want

It has been brought to my attention that this time of year (finals time, not Christmas) requires that posts a) be not serious and b) provide a context for wasting time and distracting us from the inevitable. I totally agree. So based on my last post I came to the conclusion that what the people want is saltines, Jim Halpert, and nude campers (long story). Well, it took some doing, and countless hours of not studying, but I think the people will be happy...

SALTINES



















JIM HALPERT
















and...


THE NAKED RAMBLER!!!!!




Yeaaaah, the naked rambler. He made a goal of cruising the whole of England in the buff. I think he got arrested like 10 times or something. Michaela, I believe you're currently in the same part of the world as this phenom. What's going on over there? This was, by far, the most unpleasant part of compiling this blog, I really hope y'all are happy!

Meteors vs. Wolves

Have you ever wondered which would be more likely, being mauled by a wolf or being hit by a meteor? Well, my friend, you can now file that question away, as our trusted confidant, Dwight Schrute explains in this PSA.

Behold! You: Pregnant!

Genesis 16:11 - "Hineich harah" Believe it or not, these are the literal words of the Holy Scriptures, the words of the Angel of the Lord proclaiming to Hagar that she was pregnant with Ishmael. English could learn a thing or two from the simplicity of Hebrew. Note the complete lack of verbs and syntax, there aren't even any nouns in this proclamation, yet it gets the job done. Thus, Hebrew is not unlike the language of Cro-magnon man, a certain divine "booga-booga" language...Tarzan would be a quick learner, I think...Stallone too...and maybe Ali-G.

So let's take a look at some ways this could be applied to English. Instead of saying, "The cheese is old and moldy. Where is the bathroom?" we could just say, "Behold, cramps, toilet!" Or perhaps applied to our theological arenas we could do away with the complex jargon altogether. Let us consider the quote so popular it should be a song title, "Calvin obviated all manner of subordinationism by giving full weight to the absolute equal ultimacy of each of the distinct hypostases of the ontological Trinity." This, in Hebrew-talk would simply be, "Behold, one God. Three."

We see this at work in other languages too. Check out my main man Snub-nosed's reflections on "All your Amos are belong to us". You'll have to excuse the randomness of this post: it's almost midnight, I've been studying Hebrew for way too long already and see no end in sight. Or, in Hebrew that last phrase would be "This substance time is 30 and 5 (minutes) upon new day. I have studied exceedingly greatly, (waw consecutive imperfect) I see little of completion yet."

Well, enough procrastinating...all my grade are belong to Dr. Enns.

When the World Shrinks

Psalm 16

Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge.
I say to the Lord, “You are my Lord;
I have no good apart from you.”

As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones,
in whom is all my delight.

The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply;
their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out
or take their names on my lips.

The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup;
you hold my lot.
The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.

I bless the Lord who gives me counsel;
in the night also my heart instructs me.
I have set the Lord always before me;
because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.

Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices;
my flesh also dwells secure.
For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol,
or let your holy one see corruption.

You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.


Sometimes the idols of our hearts are evidenced by the amount of time we spend thinking about them. For me, my most notable idols are the ones that make my world shrink, and nothing else is worthy of my thoughts but that thing. So when happiness is not achieved from that thing, my entire existence is contained by that shrunken, darkened world. "The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply."

But in that dark night, by God's grace, I begin wondering what happened to the light I used to know. I cling to a vague recollection of joy unfettered and find myself curious as to what the source was. When I read this psalm, David's words remind me where that joy comes from. It is the result of having God where He belongs: "at my right hand." With my Savior at my right hand He instructs my heart and gives me counsel, such that even in darkness I am fed. And there I see my blessed inheritance. My idols darken my soul, but in the presence of my Lord "there is fullness of joy."

"You hold my lot." I have two options here: I can use it to blame God for my situation or I can use it to be comforted in it. Where I go depends on where my God is. If He's at my right hand, I will recognize my blessed inheritance; but if I have replaced Him with some other god, I will be quick to blame Him for my pain. Where is God when the world doesn't make sense? This psalm doesn't so much address that question as it does the question behind it: what joy do we have in that confusion? With God Almighty at our right hand, over our life, we have pleasures forevermore.